A Rush to Remember
by graygrey
Summary: Kaneki's life was turned upside down after turning part-ghoul. However, fortunately for him, he had the friendly ghouls of Anteiku to help him through his new life. This is a story of Kaneki's self-discovery, and how he deals with being a ghoul, Touka, soul mates, and Hide.
1. Chapter 1

**"Kaneki, I'm so sorry dear, but you have to go to the twentieth ward!" my mom explained in a rushed and anxious manner. "It's no longer safe here at home, you have to go, please! Find the coffee shop Anteiku and stay there, they will help you. I love you so much, but I have to go now, please understand. You will be happy there, and they will help you with your transition. It will all make sense soon, my dear, just know that I love you and I will come back. For now, Kaneki, be strong. You can do this."**

Consciousness suddenly flooded back into my mind as I sat up and screamed for my mother. "Mom! MOM! What do you mean? I can't do this alone! Why do you have to go? MOM!" An intense dizziness took over again, and I fell back on the bed with no strength. The only thing I felt was an intense hunger, for something completely unnatural that I couldn't pinpoint. I closed my eyes.

Once again I awoke, but no longer in a panicked state, and with a much less prevalent hunger. I mustered up all the strength I had and opened my eyes, and a bright natural light initially blinded me. My eyes focused, and I could make out what seemed to be a tidy girl's bedroom. I was quite at peace, until I realized that I didn't know where I was and that my mother, who had supported me herself since I was a child, had sent me away. _Where am I now, the twentieth ward? She said something about a coffee shop_ … As soon as I thought about coffee, I smelt a delicious scent only identifiable as roasting coffee beans; this was surprising, because I never had a taste for coffee. The once bitter and unattractive drink now called my senses, and this was the first in a series of differences I noticed.

The growing sound of footsteps attracted my attention, and though I would have liked to turn my head and face the door, all my energy was being used to keep my eyes open. Something squeaked open, presumably the door, and I could hear sweet humming. It was a joyful, calming tune, and I so wanted to see who was creating it. A rather small girl with dazzling shoulder-length purple hair appeared in the kitchen, which I could see from my bed. She quickly darted to and fro on her light frame, and I was temporarily entranced.

The girl, who seemed to be in her teens, finally turned to head my way. It wasn't until I could see her whole face that I realized I was holding my breath in anticipation. Our eyes connected, and she seemed very startled to see me awake. The girl drew in a sharp breath, and headed towards me, as if drawn by an invisible force. Her hand reached out to caress my cheek, wide eyes open with amazement and… care? She breathed heavily, but I could catch what she quickly murmured under her breath. "You're… you're my… you're the one…"

She searched my eyes for something for a solid minute, carefully looking to judge what my reaction was to seeing her. I remained still until I felt uncomfortable, and addressed her. "Um, excuse me, miss? I have no idea who you are or where I am, and I'm pretty uncomfortable right now, could you please give me some answers?"

The purple-haired girl visibly recoiled at what I said. I could almost see something inside of her break, and her eyes displayed so much hurt that I was sure I couldn't have caused this. However, she seemed to think differently, and I saw her cautiously back away from me, as if she was desperately trying to hold herself together. She ran out of the door, and I, exhausted, resumed my previous slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up, this time naturally with no bright lights to threaten my eyes. Judging by the soft light, it was nighttime, and I still had no clue where I was. Then, I noticed that I wasn't alone in the room. There was an older man, with a serious expression but kind eyes, and he started talking.

"I'm glad to see you awake, Kaneki. I am Yoshimura, but you can call me the manager. If you haven't noticed by now, you are in a small coffee shop in the twentieth ward that I run, called Anteiku. This is a very special place, and I am about to explain why. Kaneki, are you prepared to hear some information that will leave its impression on you every day for the rest of your life?"

Unable to imagine what could be so impactful, except maybe the passing of my mother, I simply nodded for the manager to continue.

"Here goes, Kaneki. Your life was in danger at your previous home, and your mother sent you here, because she knew this is the safest place for you. You see, your mother, in order to support you, had to take on some special jobs. She was affiliated with ghouls, but she failed to complete one of her assignments. When she told you to come here, which we know because we were guarding her safety at the time, her ghoul employers were actually about to give your mother a punishment. Unfortunately or fortunately, however you see it, they had no idea that your mom had a son.

"She was trying to get you to safety, fearing what might happen if they discovered you. However, she was too late, and her employers snagged you almost immediately after you tried to flee. You were taken to a construction site, where they planned to eat you in peace. However, some machinery fell and crushed your attackers soon after they started their meal.

"We found you in a barely-alive state, with organs from the dead victims transferred into your body. This was no regular transplant, because you received organs from multiple sources, all of which were extremely powerful ghouls.

"To summarize, Kaneki, you are no longer human. To be fair, you are also not a ghoul. You are a hybrid, and with various organ sources, we cannot tell to what extent your transformation and powers will be."

Somehow comprehending this, I nodded, but I did not understand the meaning. Me, a ghoul? No way. It's impossible. "Sir, I believe you are mistaken. I can assure you that I am not a ghoul- or, rather, part ghoul. I am a completely normal boy, with no affiliation to that species. If you would, please let me go back to my home now."

The old man gazed on me with pity in his eyes, obviously feeling sorry for me. "No, Kaneki, I am not mistaken. Tell me, would you like something to eat?

Startled by the sudden change in subject, I realized that I was, in fact, quite hungry. "Yes, I would like something, do you have any sandwiches?" Those are my favorite food, and one link to normalcy that I had at the moment. The manager obligingly nodded and exited the room, preparing one for me. He entered back a few minutes later, and placed the plate in front of me. I was prepared to dig in, then smelled a pungent, repulsive odor. Figuring it just came from an unusual ingredient in the sandwich, I brought the dish to my mouth and took a bite. Almost instantly, I gagged and spat it out. _This is my favorite meal, why don't I like it? What's wrong with me?_ "What did you do to this? Did you put something in it?" I shouted with fear.

"Trust me, nothing is wrong with the sandwich. You simply don't have a taste for human food anymore." Realizing what the manager meant behind the words, I started getting panicked. "No. NO. There is no way that I am a GHOUL. DO YOU SEE ME? I'M COMPLETELY HUMAN! STOP TELLING ME LIES!" I became hysterical, wailing and laughing at once. "JUST BRING ME BACK HOME! BRING ME TO MY MOM! Please…"

The manager looked at me with so much pity that I found truth in his words. He really felt sorry for me and what I was going through, but could only do so much to help me. I had to face it. I was at least part ghoul, and there was no going back.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day I found that I could move my arms and legs again, but I was still very weak and could only stand up for a few seconds before I had to rest again. The purple-haired girl had not come in to take care of me again, which was unusual because I had assumed this was her apartment that I was staying in. For the time being, the manager had been assisting me in regaining my health, and I resolved to ask him about the girl the next time he came in.

I had accepted by now that I could not eat normal food to survive, but I resisted every time the old man offered me a well-prepared slice of meat. I would not eat the flesh of another human, and fed myself the sugar cubes provided to me. I knew it had some type of flesh in it, otherwise it would not satiate my hunger, but the cubes seemed to conceal the cannibalistic act better than "meat" on a plate.

Despite devouring a constant supply of the sugar cubes, the hunger did not dissolve. It always remained in the back of my mind, and was beginning to cause me pains. Once I thought I was getting better, another hunger pain would take over my body and I felt weak again. However, if this was what I had to do to keep my humanity, I would do it with no complaints.

The only issue was that the manager never saw through my façade. He could tell I needed flesh, but that I would reject any offer of it. He came in the room once again, in a fluster because he had been working. "Kaneki, hurry up and get dressed. You're going out." he said with surprising assuredness. "You can't live off of those cubes, as I have surely told you before." He left the room, leaving me to change.

A few minutes later the manager knocked at the door, and I told him to come in. "Where are you taking me?" I demanded, reluctant to venture to an unknown area. He simply pulled me along, with surprising strength for what seemed like an elderly man. I was put in a car and we drove in the dark up a mountain.

When the car came to a stop, I had no idea where we were. The manager peered over the side of a cliff, located a trail leading to the bottom, and commenced walking. I followed him, curious as to what I would see at the bottom.

"Kaneki, this is where we ghouls at Anteiku get our food. This is the most "humane" way for us to eat, because we promote peace and are opposed to murdering humans."

I peered past him, and what I saw made me gasp.

Human bodies. Dead human bodies. It all clicked in my mind. My mind was clouded with shock from realizing yesterday that I was part ghoul, and I did not think to consider those who nurtured me back to health at Anteiku. They were ghouls too! I had been living with ghouls for at least three days and they had not eaten me!

I started getting panicked as what seemed like a puzzle pieced itself together in my mind. My mother was almost certainly dead, probably because ghouls attacked her. Ghouls also attacked me. I am part ghoul now. I have to eat humans to survive.

The manager noticed that I was visibly shaking and looked very pale. "Kaneki, are you alright seeing this? You should seat yourself for a moment if you feel weak."

Amidst these discoveries, there was one mystery that remained. Who had put the ghoul organs in my body?


	4. Chapter 4

The manager, upon seeing that I was at least partially stable, resumed his business in collecting suicide victims for food. I realized that I was salivating. I wanted flesh. My entire body yearned for the delectable, bloody meat. My veins strained, telling me to eat the human. I felt a rush of adrenaline course through my limbs, and my left eye rapidly increased in pressure. My sanity was slipping away, and the only thought passing through my mind told me to sink my teeth into the calf, gulp the lukewarm blood still remaining in the veins.

I could no longer hold myself back. Tossing aside my last claim to humanity, I jumped to the dead human and devoured him. My teeth seemed to fit perfectly into the curves of fat and muscle. I gulped down torn limbs within seconds- I could not seem to get enough. I was halfway through consuming the whole being, and I wanted more, so much more. Flesh, blood, fat, muscle. I felt something erupt from my back, but didn't have the time to see what it was. I just needed to satiate my hunger. A minute more, and I enjoyed my last portion: the brain. It was slippery and slightly warm. I ran my tongue over it and writhed in ecstasy from the sensation of a slimy layer coming off on my tongue. I devoured it.

Basking in the lingering taste of human flesh, I felt content. Eating humans wasn't bad, it was natural. I was meant to do this; humans are so stupid anyway. Humans are pests. I should just eat them all. Yes, eat all the humans in the world! Devour all the flesh! "YES!" I screamed with great intensity.

I felt a light touch on my left shoulder, and looked up into the manager's eyes. He did not say anything, and neither did I. The ecstasy I felt just moments ago drained from my body. _I ate a human_. I started shaking. _I ate a human and I enjoyed it._ My breathing became very fast and labored, and my body was wracked with dry sobs. _I might have known this person. It could have been my mother, for God's sake._

I heard ear-shattering wailing coming from nearby. It sounded as it somebody was dying. The screams were hysterical. My cheek suddenly hit the rocky dirt and blood escaped. I was the one screaming.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up in the girl's room once again. I instantly remembered what happened before I blacked out, and started shaking. However, I could not get very far, as there were ropes tying me to the bed. _Maybe this is good_ , I thought. _At least this way I won't go into a human-devouring frenzy_. I heard running footsteps coming into the room, and it turned out to belong to the purple-haired girl. She rushed over to me with a worried expression, seeming as if she was on the brink of tears.

"Oh my God, Kaneki, you can't do this to me! Do you know how worried I was about you? What if something bad happened? What would I do then? Promise me you won't get yourself in trouble again! Promise!" I was stunned, and replied with a simple, "Uh, sure… But, if I may ask, why do you care so much about me? As far as I remember, we only met a few days ago..."

As soon as those words left my mouth, her face was overcome with a dark expression. She hardly muttered out, "Why don't you ask the manager next time he comes in. Maybe then you'll be a little bit more considerate of other people, moron." But the girl could not keep an angry expression when she talked to me, and by the end of her comment, she almost sounded endearing.

By then I was quite confused as to what was going on, and she could obviously read that on my face. She turned and darted out with a quick "Hmph." Afterwards, I was left alone with my thoughts.

 _Why did I eat that human? What happened to me in that moment? I could not think of anything but devouring flesh; I had not one ounce of resistance. Is that what it's like to be a ghoul, unable to control yourself around flesh? If so, then how does the manager, a ghoul, run a coffee shop?_

Almost instantly after thinking about him, the manager entered the room. "Ah, I see you're awake now. I was in quite the predicament last night, did you know?"

I became ashamed of myself and apologized for my actions. "I'm so sorry, I have no idea what overcame me, you have to believe me, please! I didn't mean to eat the human, my body just…" I trailed off, unable to come up with the right phrase to describe what I felt. He seemed to understand what I meant. "Yes Kaneki, that happens when you're hungry; and as hungry as you were, this was not unexpected. It was my fault for not taking your hunger into account. However, you will need to keep nourished if you want to interact with humans properly, without immediately jumping on them. We at Anteiku will provide you with food, and guide you in this new life. The only thing we ask is that you do not eat humans who are alive. As you may have noticed last night, we only get our meals from the bodies of suicide victims, those who chose to end their lives themselves. We also do not condone the killing of our fellow ghouls. The only exception to these rules is when your safety is in jeopardy; at that point, anybody, human or ghoul, will resort to extreme measures."

His words made a lot of sense to me, and I resolved myself to comply with them. However, I still had an unanswered question. "I will do my best to follow these restrictions. But, um, I do have another question. There was a girl with purple hair who has come in here a couple times, and she seemed quite worried about me… She said to ask you for the reason why?" I ended with a question, unsure if this was an appropriate topic. The manager seemed to be expecting this.

"Well, here is another lesson about ghouls. Every one of us is destined to have a soul mate. That person can be human or ghoul. You only have one during your lifetime, and cannot find another if your soul mate passes away or does not feel the same connection towards you. Nine out of ten times, the connection will be reciprocated."

"You see, the purple-haired girl, Touka, has found her soul mate, and I assume she is one of the unlucky people to not have their feelings reciprocated. Tell me, Kaneki, what do you feel towards her?"

"Well," I responded, "She seems nice enough to have worried about me so much, but I don't really feel anything… Why do you ask?"

"Her soul mate is you, Kaneki, and judging from your answer to my question, her feelings are not reciprocated. She has also come to the same assumption, and probably both loves and hates you for what you can't help. You might not share the same connection because you have another soul mate, or because you are part ghoul, and that feature was not transferred to you."

I was overwhelmed by this information, but wanted to know more. "How does someone know if they've found their soul mate?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, I cannot answer that question for you. It is something only explainable by feeling yourself."

Nodding, I felt a wave of exhaustion wash over me. _Wow, this ghoul life is wearing me out._


	6. Chapter 6

It was morning on the fourth day after turning into a part-ghoul. I had regrettably come to terms with my existence, but hated myself for having to eat humans to survive. I just wanted to return to the normal, human life I had just a few days ago.

I could feel my restlessness creeping up on me; it was a wonder how I was able to stay in one room for so long. I needed to go outside, do something, or else I felt like I would go crazy. I waited until the manager came in to ask him about answers to this problem.

"We at Anteiku have discussed your situation, and prepared a solution. We would like you to start working for us, so that you will be able to train your hunger and eventually start going outside like a normal ghoul. It will take a lot of practice, but since we serve both human and ghoul customers, this opportunity is a great way for you to study how humans act. Though, you are probably already an expert at this, because you are part human. What do you say, Kaneki?"

"Absolutely, this is so great, thank you so much! I will work my hardest, I promise!" The manager chuckled, told me that I would start tomorrow, and quietly left the room.

I went to use the bathroom, and when I was washing my hands, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror. I looked bonier than usual, a little unhealthy. However, I still had my muscle that I built up as a human. Something caught my eye on my head; I saw a small scatter of white hair near the top. I dismissed it, with the assumption that maybe the organ transplant had a weird side effect.


End file.
